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Triumph, Frustration

So yesterday when I posted I totally spaced on telling you about my last run, which I did on Wednesday evening after work! For my Wednesday runs I will be alternating between heading over to Fleet Feet for their weekly group run and joining the folks up in my neck of the woods (Niagara Parks Runners/Old Falls Runners). This week, it was the latter and we met up at Academy Park in Lewiston, not far from the ultimate destination of our run, Artpark!

First let me tell you how it would have been VERY easy for me to just stay in after coming home to throw some gear on (note to self: get changed at work instead to avoid this temptation!). It was wicked cold, like in the teens with a single digit windchill – and yes, it was quite windy to boot! So easy to just say NO WAY to a run on a night like that.

But I felt I really owed it to myself to get out there and do something, so I showed up. As usual, I ended up running mostly by myself (shout out to Deb, who would have stayed with me if I asked!), which was totally fine – in some ways, better because then I don't feel quite so bad about my pace and worrying about slowing someone else down. But, the route was brand new to me and it was very dark! I did have reflective stuffs on, but I didn't bring my headlamp which was (another note to self) vital for an evening run in wintertime at Artpark. I did OK considering – it's basically a paved road that we ran on going through the park, with no traffic. Nothing really to worry about tripping over, fortunately.

As usual, the first mile felt nearly like torture. Turned out the whole way out was a low grade uphill, which I couldn't see because of the darkness. I sure did feel it, though! Once I hit the second mile and headed back from where I came, I felt much better. The low grade downhill felt nice and I had negative splits, as would be expected. I ended up running just a smidge over two miles, hooray!

Even though I haven't run much over two miles in a while, I still feel pretty well prepared for the relay race I am running tomorrow. Am I nervous about running TWO 3.3 mile legs? Hell yes, but I know I can do the distance even if I end up walking some, and I'll have about a 40 minute break in between while my teammate runs hers. I should be good to go.

(I am also super happy that my partner figured out the sound on my iPhone. My up volume button seems to have stopped working, so I couldn't get my music to play out loud or into my headphones! He ended up finding a way around it, so I will definitely be running with music tomorrow, no question.)

Playlist time! I've got two set up, one for each leg. (Click to enlarge!)

Now, how about the frustration I mentioned? Well, this morning I was planning to go out for a run on my own around the neighborhood, but honestly... I was SO TIRED and could not, would not leave my bed. I do feel like I have some justification, though, once I thought about it more: I'll be running 6.6 miles total tomorrow (usually only a gym day), and I will be running on Sunday. Basically, I've swapped out my Friday for my Saturday, minus the gym part today. I decided that I'm just taking it super easy today. I may still go to the gym in the morning tomorrow just to do some very chill stuff – stretching, easy treadmill, just to stay with the routine.

I guess I can't be too disappointed in myself for that. I will still be doing more activity this week than I have in a long time! OK, I am over it.

However, the other thing that annoyed me this morning was the scale. I know, I know. The scale doesn't tell the whole story. But the reality is that I do want to lose more weight and being over 300 pounds again has been really upsetting. I felt like this week has gone really well, eating-wise and I was certain that I'd see a pretty good loss, at least two pounds. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in day, so who knows what can happen overnight (snort), but I am 302 and that is one pound MORE than I was last week. Jeses. What the hell, you know?

I know, I know, I know. Shut up. (me, not you.)

Argh. I am just pissed off. It's definitely not derailing me, but it's pissing me off.

(UPDATE, a few hours later: It did derail me after all. I was still mad and I ended up at Subway for lunch and getting stuff that did not fit into my day. I'm over on calories already and I am even more mad at myself! More WTH?)

Onward! Yes, onward.

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